Minor Changes
These changes are minor, subtly retconning the plot or worldbuilding; but I don’t think they will have changed player decisions, and it’s quite likely no one would have remembered the original facts.
Part 7: Retcon the baneling’s countenance.
From: light blue robes adorned with the quill and beaker, the stewartry symbol.
To:light blue robes adorned with an insignia (an axe crossing with a spike-lined tentacle) — the symbol of the wardens
Reason: When this was written, the Wardens had not been articulated as a distinct organization, and the Stewartry encompassed all ‘official’ vesperbanes. I have build upon this significantly since.
Part 9: Alter Maune’s vesper-count.
From: “No. I can hardly handle eleven, Reva.”
To:“No. I can hardly handle six, Reva.”
Reason: Don’t worry about it.
Trivial Changes
These changes are trivial, intended mainly to make the work read better. They shouldn’t meaningfully affect the plot or inform players, but are included for full transparency. Completely typographical changes, such as fixing typos, rephrasing, etc. will not be listed here, only changes that alter the semantics of the text.
Whole work: Rename ‘ambrosia beetles’ to ‘ambrosia weevils’
Reason: There are many, many kinds of beetles (they are the most populous kind of insect after parasitic wasps), and while ‘ambrosia beetle’ is the commonly used name (though note that classification is polyphyletic), the epithetic references to beetles makes broader worldbuilding precarious — if some beetles, say, serve some of roles domesticated ungulates do in our word, it wouldn’t do to have ‘beetle’ associated mainly with the ambrosia in readers’ minds.
Note that this change was made quite a while ago (before Eifre was on this site, actually). I list it here for historical reasons, and because I’ve noticed many lingering references to ambrosia beetles which I am now correcting.
Whole work: Change mantis speech mechanism from trachea-based to stridulation based.
Reason: Originally, mantis spoke by adjusting airflow through their 10 or so spiracles – essentially just human speech with a nod to the fact that insects breathe with their abdomen. In correspondences, I justified this by pointing to hissing cockroaches – a similar phenomena in a closely related order of insects.
Ultimately, however, I was dissatisfied with the this, and current model is that heartlands mantids talk by rubbing their palps against specially textured surfaces.
Whole work: Remove references to mammals.
From: You hear an owl hoot somewhere in the branches above, and a long mouse
darting through the leaves.
To: You hear an owl hooting somewhere in the branches above, and a legged snake darting through the leaves. (Part 6)
From: It had slowly cooking roasts of beetles and deer.
To: It had slowly cooking roasts of beetles and lizards. (Part A.1)
Part 2: Tone down annoyance description
From: You can’t help but twitch an antennae in annoyance.You almost give a scream in reply, but you stop yourself,
To:You twitch an antennae, a small part of you almost feeling almost… annoyed.But before this distracts you any further, you stop,
Reason:A reader complained that the jump from a initial desire to help in Part 1 to this was jarring. Though informed by player vote, I agree. Hopefully this alleviates some of that.
Part 2: Allude to Yikki
From: (they’d love the adventure)
To: (Yikki would love the adventure, for sure)
Reason: This hints at Yikki’s existence before her appearance. Eifre’s friends were and are planned to be major parts of the story.
Part 6: Downplay mischievousness
From: “Tophem,” you say, maxillae curling mischievously.You consider lying, but if she lives, she might find out.
To: “Tophem,” you try, holding your maxillary palps still to not give away the lie.You consider giving another fake name, like Tikka, but if she lives, she might find out.
Reason:A reader complained that Eifre being mischievous when Maune’s life is at stake is a bit dissonant, and I agree.
Part 7&8: Change ‘hexes’ to ‘claws’
Reason: Currency hadn’t been worked out when this was written.
Part 8: Replace “four-flies” with snailflies.
From: (One of them lands on you, and you notice it resembles a four-fly. They aren’t true bugs, and only have four legs.)
To: (One of them lands on you, and you notice it resembles a snailfly. They aren’t bugs, and have jointed shells instead of chitin.)
Reason: Four-flies were invented to have something fill the niche of insects, as most of the setting works on the logic of insects = vertebrates, more or less. Snailflies occurred to me later, and now I am retconning this.
Part 8: Lampshade the Brismati nymph having wings.
Original: Last is the quiet one, whom they called Shimare. She leaps from atop the roadside ridge, landing silently on the stone path, standing thin and tall. Her wings flare wetly open. Her forelegs and midlegs come together to form a sign, and then the skin inside of her wings begins to glow brightly red.
Added: Why does a nymph have wings?Reason:Hemimetabolous insects, such as mantids, do not grow wings until teneral.
Part 8: Correct Maune’s reference.
From: Maune laughs, and it’s a delirious sound. “No no. The weevils are not the vespers. They do not exact costs. It’s… it’s a… an accord, rather than a pact. Benefaction…” Her words and murmured and slurred.To:The ambrosia is not the vespers.
Reason: I assume this is what I actually meant.
Part 9: Name the wretched raptorials.
From: It’s a trick all vesperbanes pick up sooner or later.
To: It’s a trick all vesperbanes pick up sooner or later. The wretched raptorials.
Reason: I’m not sure why this wasn’t there to begin with – slipped my mind?
Part 10: Indicate Maune’s fear
From: She lifts one of those wet red limbs that might be tentacles, lazily indicating behind you. […]
Her voice is level as she speaks, and she only says, “Get out. Now.”
To: She startles, and jerks up one of her wet red limbs that might be tentacles, and points behind you.Maune watches all of this, and her antennae curl back into tight, defensive spirals. She sees something in your mother’s stride as confirmation. […]
She speaks quickly, and she only says, “Get out. Now.” / But this isn’t just anger or indignation — you note the faintest tremble behind her words, a shake in her legs. And you remember her urging you not to look around. Whatever she didn’t want you to find — seeing it revealed a crack in her confidence. The acknowledgement made her recoil, like one with dark-adjusted eyes exposed to too bright a light.
Reason: A reader was “unconvinced” of Maune telling Tlista “to get fucked” after offending her pride, so I’ve tried to make it clearer why she does this.
Part 10: Clarify Tlista’s referent
From: She’s told you stories, but any hint of capability tends to be incidental, like when she speaks of a friend who “practically looked like a solar system when using his umbraconjuration technique
To: She’s told you stories, but any hint of capability tends to be incidental, like when she speaks of her teacher who “practically looked like a solar system when using his umbraconjuration technique
Part A3: Change ‘katabasis’ to ‘anabasis’
Reason: Makes more sense.
Part A3: Add closing beat.
Added: Marka knew without clicking open her timepiece that by now, her appointment with the Church was passed, and she wouldn’t get a chance to even be late for quite a while to come. Every tick of the device was matched by two heartbeats. She worries and she thinks and she decides.
Reason:Keeps up the running thematic motif of ending chapters by focusing on the timepiece.
Snuggly Serials 